thanks doc!!

How life sometimes just gets you down.

All of us live in a number of different spheres. Maybe a better way to think about it is that all of us have a number of different roles and the older we get the more roles we tend to acquire until we get old enough and we start having fewer of them. But that is another discussion.

For the moment let's take a young woman who is a daughter and a sister at home; a church member and leader in church groups in her church; an executive assistant and fellow employee at work; a friend and confident in her social life; perhaps even a writer and poet in her private life; and perhaps even a lover and partner in her emotional life.

Each of us can handle things not going wonderful in one or more areas if some important areas are going okay. We tend to make work and our love life two of the most important areas and we can generally handle, though not necessarily happily, disappointment in one or the other but not both at the same time. If we ever feel that we are failing or not doing well in both at the same time we feel ever so lonely. When your heart is breaking you can immerse yourself in work, even volunteer work, just to keep yourself busy and productive. But if work becomes a negative as well it is like there is no safe place. When you have a partner crap at work gets soothed away with a shower, a meal, a cuddle and the realignment of what is and is not important in one’s life.

The hardest time is when those two big areas seem to be not going well and you do not have the most supportive family :(

escapism

I’ve been craving for an escape. Things havenn’t been great around me, most of which turn into crap lately. I just need to get away, not too far away that cost me much in ticket, but not too close that can be reached by walking.

The craving has been there for the past few weeks, but last week was really peaking I could see myself jump into any plane and let it take whereever it takes me. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) it’s high season so probability in getting ticket is very little. Ohwell..

I was so stuck the only target I had on mind was monas. Yup, that fenced big park. Figure the government has made ‘improvement’ there so I wanna check it out, besides it has lotsa trees where I could sit under it and read and/or write.

It was so tempting, but didn’t happen. At the beginning of my weekend a friend sms-ed me if I want to check out the book fair again. Well, I haven’t seen her for some time so I guess the park could wait. By the time we finished browsing & got out of there (heavy traffic, thanks to the presidential campaign), it was a bit dark for me to check out the park. Don’t think it would be a great idea to go there by myself at night, so decided to postpone it.

Already have preliminary talks with a friend to go to Yogya the following weekend. It sounded suh an exciting idea for us to see Yogya after several years. Still need to work on the details (tickets, lodging, etc), but most important whether she can take a leave on the Saturday. So we’ll just wait and see if this getaway will actually happen...

glutton for books..

I couldn’t stop from piking one book after another. The discount offered wasn’t much, but still better than none at all. Like I planned, I focused on getting local books. Check out my shopping list:
. two books by Seno G. Ajidarma: Negeri Senja, Sukab
. two books by YB Mangunwijaya: Pohon-pohon Sesawi. Rumah Bambu
. two books by Djenar M. Ayu: Mereka Bilang, Saya Monyet and Jangan Main-main
. Ayu Utami: Si Lajang Parasit
. three collection of prose.

Also found 2 comics on the Chinese empire (nice pics, intriguing short stories), a short novel by an Iranian author titled The Blind Owl and lastly something unavoidable, a best seller by Jon Krakauer, Into Thin Air (my excuse was that I’ve been looking for this book for some time, and finally got it ;)).

Now which book I have to read first.. Well I’ve read the comic ones, which was a quick read. hmm.. I could just pick whichever randomly according to my mood at the time, but I definitely should read 1 book at a time, which means no more putting down a book in the middle of a reading and just ignore it half way. it was such a bad habit in the past that I had to fight my way through finishing the book. I’ve determined, if I pay for it, then I have to finish it. No more wasting money on unreadable books.. ;)

Ok, so now I have a supply of books that will accompany me whenever, during those boring waits in the bank or doctor, long hour of travel, unplanned weekends, simply whenever. Think I’m gonna start to read one now.. hmm.. which one should I read now...

just ain't my day..

it's one of those days when things go all the wrong way.. everything goes blaahh...

yeah, i'm exaggerating a bit. not all, only some stuff. but it happen to be an important stuff. hhmmm... what do u care anyway? :))

bookworming

it's 16.07 which means time for me to leave for the day.

i know, bookworm is something & bookworming is not a word. yup, made it up. i'm currently into books now. in the sense of buying them. the annual book exhibition opens for the whole week, so would be good time to look for new books with good price (though sometimes they don't give much bargain.

right now i'm thinking of buying local books. books that are written by indonesian authors. perhaps it's not a good idea to name them here, coz u'd think i'm trying to sell them & got money from the authors. well, i don't (would be a good idea though). the kind of book i'm looking would be literature stuff (sastra), contemporer ones. wish me luck! hope i got enough cash & got good ones ;)

Fire....!!!

around 1.30 in the afternoon i got an sms from a friend. she sounded terrified and in shock. earlier, her landlord called her at the office informing there was a fire in the neighborhood of her boarding house. she hurried home and scared stiff to see the fire was very close to the house. she was told to empty her room in case fireband reach the house. later on the phone she explained what had happened, the fire started from gas stove, it went on for a few hours and cooked three houses welldone (no injuries reported, thank God). she was relieved but still traumatized and ready to move out. i tried to calm her and offer to come over after work. she said it wasn’t necessary as the electricity is turned off and would be easier if she stays at her friend’s which is closer to the boarding house.

this reminds me of what happened in our neighborhood a few years back, when a fire destroyed a mini paint factory just 2 houses away from ours. the chemicals just kept the fire going on and on, we were kept worried that fire blaze will start burning other houses. it happened late at night and the whole neighborhood stayed up all night to watch out for the fire. being very close to the fire we didn’t want to risk it, so my parents warned us to take all valuables out and get ready. with the help from our neighbors, we sprayed the houses nearby with water the whole time. we figured that way the building will be more fire-resistant.

i’m grateful that not a single blaze of fire touched our house, also glad to know that my friend’s alright, but i never really think about the trauma caused by it. listening to my friend earlier sure brought back a bad memory. am i still in trauma? i don’t know, perhaps to find out i have to talk to a shrink? i could remember vividly how as i stared at the fire, fear numbed me that i couldn’t move nor do anything for a sheer moment. then i was dragged back to reality by people’s shouting. it wasn’t fire or the trauma that concern me, but that numbness. thinking back, it wasn’t the first time that my reflex ability was shut down at the mouth of danger and all i could do was staring. interesting, i think i have to explore this more and find a way to be more aware, conscious and able to make the right (and quick!) decision in a life threatening situation.

start up

writing.. i love to write.. unfortunately due to limited sources of time i don't write as much as i want. writing journal full of mindless drivel for personal enjoyment is easy, but slightly different than that, writing a blog in the internet requires more creativity and dedication. so the minute i signed up, i'm aware i should put on extra work to keep this up. it's a good thing, i guess, to be able to exercise my writing muscles. will try my best to up date it daily, or weekly or monthly.. ;)